I Can…

I can’t seem to stop spiralling. 

I reach to understand the logistics within my hands, but find they are already full. 

I try to understand the politics within the screaming in the background while spreading the peanut butter onto the bread. 

Within the never-ending overflow of laundry that needs to be done on a Tuesday. 

Within the lack of identity that comes every single day. 

The world is asking for urgency, but my world requires the patience I have never found.

I can’t seem to reel myself in. 

I cuss for the first time in front of my oldest. 

I see him playing cops and lose my composure. 

I snap. 

I say we can’t play that anymore in our house because of ICE. 

Because of fear. 

Then go on a lackluster tirade of what even ICE is. 

All I can state at this moment is that the assholes kill people. 

How much simpler can it get?

What can I do to stop the can’ts?

I can write my thoughts and observations. 

I am not good at expressing my voice on the spot, but I can sit with the mess and make sense of it later. 

I have always wanted to be the AOC of on the spot. 

She has her skills, and I can find mine. 

I can surround myself with those who lift and challenge my can’ts. Community isn’t simply proximity. 

It is the connection of beliefs that unites. 

I can find that community and together, create shared experiences that move us all forward.  

I am not alone in noticing.